September 15, Christine my BFF since highschool, treeted me sa Don Henricos at SM (haggard look ako that time, pina-ayos niya ako para picturan niya ako, tapos nakalimutan lang magpicture, non sense! hahaha) I was touched kasi sabi ko wag na niya i-treet sayang lang, igastos niya na lang sa needs niya everyday, pero sabi niya minsan lang naman ikaw mag-birthday. So ayon we ate, masaya. Thank you Christine ;)
September 16, Clarence my friend invited me sa ministry nila. I enjoyed and feel blessed. She greeted me also the other youths of the ministry.
"Not all birthdays are worth celebrating"
|Good morning. My eyes! Big eyebags. T_T|
Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ang ganito, I'm seeking guidance from God na sana palakasin niya ako. Today on my birthday I feel so down. If only there's other way to stop crying. I'm just bothered with so many things. Kahit sabihin na "don't worry everything will be okay" it's not that easy. I feel hopeless, I feel there's no one out there for me yeah- School, financial issues, family. relationship with him.
Yesterday morning, when I just woke up... he texted "i think we need to be single again for now" since wala ng time for each other. This made me cry. I don't want to lose him, I love him so much. While I'm writing this, I can't help myself crying (iyakin ako). "in God's perfect time we'll be together again" Yeah. Maybe everything has purpose why things happen even if we don't understand. He just want me to focus on my studies and enjoy college, but it's hurting. Like what I've said I love him, I never loved this way before the way I love him. "magkakabalikan din tayo j.lo, gusto ko lang magsettle down muna lahat before tayo magfocus sa relationship natin, ang bata pa natin. maiintindihan mo din". I don't want other guy in my life, if ever hindi siya for me magiging matandang dalaga na lang ako. I will wait because I love him. If ever you are reading this I WILL WAIT, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
So ito naman financial issue na ito, ang daming pagkakagastusan pero wala akong pera. As in broke, walang wala. They (my mother and guardian) don't want me to work. Pero kung hindi ako makabayad sa mga gastusin, I feel hopeless. Wala kasi mapagkukuhanan na iba. Though I want the best for my performance in school, nakakasagabal kapag walang pera (mahirap lang talaga ako promise). Nasabi ko na rin ibang kwento dito Nasan ka Itay?
Hindi ako masisisi if I self pity sometimes. I feel breaking down and giving up. As if life is giving no reason to live.
Happy birthday to me.